Today and Always
by TerraClara
Summary: Tommy is newly dating Adam Lambert, but he is secretly suffering. What will he do when Adam finds out his way of coping? T for cutting, m/m, death threats.


**This is just something I wrote a while ago, and I'm posting it now to fill the gap between stories.**

**(This is re-edited, but as I have little time, it is not improved. Just the basic formatting and a couple spelling errors are replaced.)**

**xxxxx**

Crimson. Pain. A red flower blooming through the white. 

Tommy looked at his arm and admired his work. Beautiful Disaster, that's what his friend who knew called him. But he was starting to get dizzy. So he quickly stopped the blood, he was good at that now, and put bandages on his arm. Then he flushed the stained toilet paper and pulled down his sleeves. 

Now that he had a boyfriend, Tommy had to be extra careful and secretive. Adam was snoopy by nature, and he couldn't risk getting caught. He already felt like he was letting Adam down by doing this, and he had tried to stop, but something horrible had happened today. 

He had been behind the mall, he couldn't remember why, when two men had cornered him. They were tall and muscular, and Tommy was not. They had made fun of him, called him a girl, among other, more degrading, things. But Tommy didn't understand. What had he done to deserve it? And that wasn't even the worst part. A police officer had found the men doing everything but physically beating him, and joined in. But Tommy was used to it, so he just sat there, curled in a ball in a dark corner of the parking lot, taking what they threw at him quietly. After the men left, Tommy rushed to get to the flat he shared with Adam, his hands shaking and tears threatening to obscure his vision. He had hurriedly taken out his razorblade and locked the bathroom door. 

Tommy walked slowly to their (clean, as they hadn't done anything of THAT sort yet) bed and laid down, pulling the sheets up to his midsection and propping up to read. His latest guilty pleasure was gay romance novels. Adam had found one once and laughed at him for days. So now he kept them hidden, just like a part of himself, never to see daylight. 

But as he was picking up the newest addition to his small library, Sand, Sweat, and Sex, he remembered. Today was his and Adam's third anniversary! He had totally forgotten after everything that had happened. He jumped out of bed and ran to his car, grabbing the bag that until now had been left in the passenger seat. Tommy had gotten Adam a vintage record of the Rolling Stones, as well as new green skinny jeans, since his were wearing out. 

Adam had mentioned going out to dinner, and as the world knew about his relationship with his bass player, they had nothing to worry about. So Tommy just hummed 'If I Had You' to himself and picked out a nice outfit. 

He settled on a dark emerald button-down long-sleeved shirt and black skinny jeans, with his favorite pair of black converse. He glanced in his closet and sighed. All long sleeve. He was getting tired of wearing them, especially in summer. 

He sat on the couch in their living room and picked up his novel happily. 

_"Tristan looked at Jake with such a longing that Jake's heart ached for-"_ The front door banged open and Adam strolled in. Tommy sighed once more. It looked like he was never going to finish his book. 

Adam walked to Tommy and gave him a quick peck on the lips before speaking. 

"You look wonderful. I'll just set my stuff down and we'll go, okay?" Tommy nodded in the affirmative. Adam smiled and set off toward their room. 

Adam had no idea what the men were saying. Tommy would walk down the sidewalk, and guys would run into him, whispering things like 'fag' and 'bitch'. It hurt him constantly, to see Adam so oblivious to his pain. But he was so busy all the time, why would he have time for Little Tommy? 

Adam came out of the bedroom and picked up his keys. 

"Ready?" Tommy stood up. 

"Yeah." They walked out hand in hand, stepping into the elevator and riding down in companionable silence. 

Once they got into Adam's car, he spoke. 

"You've been quiet lately, are you okay?"

"Yeah. Just tired, is all." Tommy picked his present up from the backseat. "This is for you." 

Adam beamed. "Aw! Thank you!" 

When they got to the restaurant, Adam parked and picked up his present. "Can I open it now?" 

Tommy chuckled. "You couldn't wait? Alright." Adam eagerly tore into the paper, pulling out the skinny jeans first. His eyes lit up and he made an undignified squeal. 

"Oh Tommy, they're perfect! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" It's then when he noticed the record. His mouth hit the floor. 

"How did you get this? This album hasn't been sold on record for 15 years! Ohmygod I love it so much! But-now my gift seems bad..." Tommy smiled. 

"I'm looking at the best gift right now." Adam blushed. 

"C'mon, let's go eat." 

xxxxx 

After they ate, Adam told Tommy to close his eyes. When he reopened them, Adam was on one knee. Tommy's hand flew to his mouth, and his eyes started tearing up. 

"Tommy Joe Ratliff, we have been dating for three years, and I have never been happier. The only thing, I believe, that could top that, is if you say yes. So, Tommy, will you marry me?" 

Tommy couldn't speak for a moment, but when he found his voice, he whispered, " Yes." Adam slid the beautiful gold ring onto Tommy's finger and stood up to kiss him. The entire restaurant applauded. 

xxxxx 

Once they got home, Tommy gave Adam a quick but deep kiss and went off to change. But little did he know, Adam followed. 

Adam knew Tommy had seen him shirtless many times, but he had never seen Tommy's body. And they were getting married. So, he was curious. What could Tommy have to hide? 

Adam walked after Tommy, and hid outside the door when Tommy went in. Soon there was a rustle of fabric, and Adam peered in. But what he saw made him gasp far too loudly. Thankfully, Tommy didn't seem to notice. 

His right arm was bandaged, a crimson stain flooding the white. His left, however, was riddled with scars, silvery reminders. 

Why was Tommy doing this? Was he unhappy with Adam? He had to find out. He knocked on the door and waited till Tommy gave the okay, walking in and sitting on the bed. 

"How are you?" Tommy looked at him strangely. 

"Fine, thanks." Adam smiled sadly. 

"Good. Now tell me how you actually are. I saw your arms, Tommy. Why?" Tommy's eyes widened. 

"What-but-how?" 

"I hate so say it came to this, but I spied on you. I was worried. I haven't seen you shirtless once in the three years we've been dating, and I was suspicious. I thought you had a tattoo of a previous lover or something. But oh my god, Tommy! I wouldn't have cared! Especially after,"

He gestured to Tommy's arms," This! Oh, Tommy, WHY didn't you tell me? I could've helped!" Adam sobbed and put his face in his hands. 

"You want to know why I started? Why I won't stop, even now, when I'm with you? It's addicting, Adam. I can't stop. And the stuff I'm put through every day! Big men corner me, insult me, sometimes beat me! Today, a COP joined in! There's no justice for people like us, Adam. They call me 'fag' and 'bitch'! They don't do it to you because you're tall and muscle-y! I'm not. I'm just a small, weak, queer. And that's why I cut. To take away the pain! The pain is unbearable!" Tommy dropped into a heap on the floor, sobbing. Adam slid off the bed and joined him, gingerly putting his arms around the broken man. 

"I'm going to brutally murder all those men, Tommy." He said softly. 

"Have I ever said I love you? Because I do. I didn't think I could love anyone this much. I feel like my heart is going to explode every time you smile." Tommy whispered. 

Adam laughed sadly. "I love you, too, Tommy. I love you, too." He cleared his throat. "Let's get you cleaned up." They stood and walked to the bathroom together. 

Adam carefully peeled off the bandages on Tommy's arm. He picked up a damp towel and dabbed the cuts lightly before putting Neosporin on them and wrapping them back up. Tommy sat the whole time staring at his lap and crying softly. Adam lifted his chin a little. 

"The past is behind us. Tomorrow, I'm going to find someone who can help you, okay?" Tommy nodded. 

"I love you, Adam." He leaned forward and captured the taller man's lips in a kiss. Their tongues soon danced together as one. 

When they broke apart, Adam rested his forehead on Tommy's. 

"I love you, too. Today and always."


End file.
